The Lost Land of Nth Walsham Volcano....

Just on the outskirts of North Walsham lies Witton Woods, or Bacton Woods if you're from Essex. It is about 50 acres of trees so obvioulsy there are large areas unexplored, rather like Spa Common. I set out with Bernard Stringer, Flopsy, Bob Rudling and Sole Campbell to explore the lost volcano of North Walsham. What happened? What did we find? Well, I'll tell you.....

The team biked from North Walsham to the woods. And in no time at all we were in a completely unexplored environement. Tree Deer walked amoung is, they had never been in contact with humans before, this delighted Bernard as they were easy to shoot. 3 brand new species of deer, including a tree deer, a giant spring loaded deer and a camp unicorn deer were all discovered, and made extinct within hours of our being there. Bernard got RSI in his trigger finger.

Bob Rudling, a man born and raised on the broads, to the extent that he has to be submerged in a Kayak 24/7, was more excited by what he found down a tree trunk, it may well be a new species of nocturnal wood otter, but he couldn't be sure, so he set up a camera to film it at night when it would be emerging from it's lair to feed on giant moths with huge balls. But it was taking forever to emerge so Bernard shoved fireworks down the trunk and boy, did that otter get startled! Sadly it burst into flames and was burned to a cinder so we shall never know what the beautiful, extraordinary mammel was.

After Bob and Bernard finsihed having a fist fight we entered the caves at the base of North Walsham volcano. We discovered albino broads Dolphins, frogs that looked like toast and a snake the shape of Pam St Clements, who plays Pat in Eastenders.

Bernard was delighted as he had somewhere new to dump the toxic waste from his alotment into. By the time you read this, sadly all the animals in the cave will have perished.

 Next week ......Bernard goes 'Alone in the Flickun' WIld'. Can he survive 100 days of solitude away from civilisation in Pretty Corner near Sheringham? He will film himself searching for stickleback and trying not to get scared of bears. Lets hope he doesn't become a sniveling cry baby like that Scotch wimp hey readers?

Sadly the team of Sol Campbell, Flopsy the Dwarf Rabbit, Bob Rudling and Bernard Stringer forgot to take a camera, so relied on accurate sketches of their trip. They used post-it notes and reciepts, crayons and a pen from a betting shop to retell their amazing journey.