Hello, thas' Bernard here with my first in a new series of science specials!

Now, we've all heard of that flickun' Hydron Collider in that Switzerland hent we? As if there hent enough to worry about in life without  fidlun and fartun about with the worlds largest and highest-energy particle accelerator! Well, let me tell you this, I dunt need a 20 mile hole to explore the deepest laws of nature. I've been do'un it for years boy and all I've been using is my washing machine and a rabbit. And you can too!

Want to send your rabbit into the fuchure? Easy. Shove it in a washing machine. I've been shoving my rabbits in washing machines for years. At first I was doing it as a little treat for them, I put a little spaceman suit on Flopsy, before placing him in the machine. Then I'd stick a poster of the stars on the window and play 2001 a Space Odyssey soundtrack. Well, he loved ut! Thought he was a little space rabbit dint he? Then, by accident, one morning I discovered the secret of time travel! I'd just put Flopsy in the machine, and put the record on. Then I went to have a number 2, you dont need details, lets just say real ale dunt agree with me. Well, I completely forgot about Flopsy's space roll play escapade. I went back in the kitchen and automatically put him on a 30 minute quick wash.  A Norfolk man dunt go any further than a 30 minute quick wash, unless thas pants and socks.

Went off to watch Homes Under the Hammer, suddenly remembered Flopsy! Went back, opened the door. He was gone, propelled into the fewchur.

So why not try ut? Thas ALL FACT! To get your rabbit back you'll need to climb inside an electric oven with a plastic hool-a-hoop. Set to 150 degrees. When you reach 150 degrees, you'll be burning up, start to hoola. This collides hydrons (FACT). You will be sent into theh fewchur, collect your rabbit then collide yerselves back again, basically.

Next week, Anti-Gravity in a Conservatory. EASY.